The mission and goal of Recovering Faith podcast

About Me and my faith journey

I was raised in an extremely religious home by a good mother and a less than adequate father who was also an ordained minister, but he didn’t practice what he preached. My father’s poor example caused me to struggle with faith for many years and he is part of the reason I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (AKA, the Mormon)s. My father is also a lot of the reason I later completely lost faith and became an atheist.

My father was mostly out of the picture and out of my life by the time I was a teen, and I attempted to distance myself from him and everything about him. I joined the Mormon Church when I was in my late teens, partially because I knew my father was so dead set against it, and partially because the Mormons were so nice to me and I felt truly accepted for the first time in my life, oh, and there was this girl. When investigating the church I was convinced that they were a Christian church, and the church tries hard to appear that way, but the truth is they are anything but Christian, despite their official name.

When I first joined the LDS Church I ate what they were feeding me hook line and sinker and even served a two year mission for the church, at my expense. I served in the Hawaii Honolulu Mission, and no, it was not a vacation and I never even got to step on a beach. It was when I went to the temple for the first time, in preparation for my mission, that I started having doubts about the Church and learned it was not all sunshine and daffodils behind the granite walls. Serving a mission caused even more doubts, but after I came home I did all I could to grow my faith and prove to myself that the church was true, but I did the exact opposite. For a while after my mission, in an attempt to squash my doubts, I learned all I could about the church and became somewhat of a Mormon apologist, but eventually I followed the evidence where it led and realized the church was a sham started by a con artist.

Because the LDS Church teaches that they are the only church that is true or has any possibility of being true, and because of the abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of religious people, I completely lost my faith. I wanted to believe in God but could not quite manage it, and for a few years I was outspoken against everything religious.

I lost faith in God shortly after I left the LDS Church and it was three full years before I started wishing that I could believe in Christianity. I truly wanted to believe and started attending a Christian church and did my best to believe. In March of 2018 I started the Recovering Faith podcast in an effort to grow my faith and I ran the podcast for several years before I was forced to realize that it was a failed experiment and my faith still had not grown and I stopped updating the podcast and blog.

I currently don’t have any faith in the existence of god but I still occasionally attend church because there are still times when I wish I could believe.